Wilma & Betty. Episode II
The Further Adventures of Wilma & Betty
Episode II: A Beautiful Afternoon
Wilma had been unsettled for weeks.
“What’s been eating you?” Betty asked. The two of them sat in Wilma’s kitchen sipping coffee. In the backyard, Dino clawed the base of a wide, gray tree. Above him, in the branches, something moved. Dino yipped. Wilma and Betty watched through the open kitchen window.
“You know what’s eating me,” Wilma grumbled.
“Well,” Betty said with a wry grin, “hopefully it’s Fred.”
Wilma groaned. “Don’t even start me on that,” she said. “It’s been months. He can’t get it up no matter how many Diamond Hards his doctor prescribes. And, to be honest, even if he could get it up, I’d rather read a book.”
“Well, I feel for you,” Betty said. “My Barney’s a dynamo though. He may not look like it, but I’ll tell you, Wilma, the man’s a carnivore in a thousand different ways.”
This was old news to Wilma. This was old news to everyone in the Wilma’s neighborhood. The air around Betty and Barney’s house was always filled with guttural groans and the thick, musty scent of sweat and arousal. On warm summer evenings the neighbors often sat, quietly, on their rooftops listening—never speaking. Sometimes they smiled at one another.
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Wilma & Betty (a short). Episode I
The Further Adventures of Wilma & Betty
Episode I: Start the Revolution
It started one day because Wilma just got fed up with cleaning up Dino’s dino droppings that were always springing up on Fred’s favorite Saber-toothed rug. And when she wasn’t trying to get that smell out of the rug she was cleaning up whatever mess Pebbles and Bam-Bam had managed to make. Jesus Christ, that damned Bam-Bam was always breaking the bamboo dishes or the granite coffee mugs or putting cracks on the marble coffee table that Fred bought with his Christmas bonus.
“Dammit Betty, can’t you keep that kid of yours home sometimes? Let him bam-bam and break up your fine China set hand made and imported from the Yangtze Rock delta.”
“Don’t talk to me, Wilma. My house is already broken up. I can’t do a damned thing about that boy. Barney’s got him spoiled rotten. He thinks Bam-Bam’s gonna be some big time Slateball star and make it to the major leagues the way he never did. Damned men, always trying to cling to some glory they never even had.”
“Tell me about it. It’s the same thing with Fred. ‘I coulda’ been a football star! I coulda been a football star.’ Yeah, and I coulda been married to Brad Pittstone but it just didn’t work out that way. I coulda been a lot of things if I’d been given half a chance and a set of stones between my legs, but you don’t see me clinging to that, do you? Do you hear me whining?”
“So, Wilma, what’s the solution?”
Dive deeper…
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Wilma & Betty: Episode X
Here’s the full story read on Saturday, Jan 30th at Jengo’s Playhouse at the latest installment of The Cure for the Common Reading. I’ll leave it here for about a week, then probably take it down. I may or may not try to actually send it out somewhere!
Hope you all enjoy!
-JM
The Further Adventures of Wilma & Betty:
Episode X: How It Does or Does Not End
(Dedicated to Bill Shipman)
It was 4:59 on a Friday afternoon and outside the 1st National Bank of Bedrock the sky was gray. A steady, dreary rain was falling. The two women just did make it through the front door of the bank as the clock struck 5 pm. The security guard pulled the door shut behind them and closed the lock home.
He was a young, broad-shouldered boy. Reminiscent of a young Dennis Quaidstone.
To be sure, he was handsome. A handsome boy that might someday ripen into a handsome man—if his life was long enough and hard enough and he made just enough bad decisions.
“You ladies got lucky,” the young guard said, smiling a perfect smile.
Betty grinned, looking both guilty and disingenuous.
Wilma sighed. “Yes,” she said. “We did get lucky.” She smiled an apology.
Then she pulled out her pistol and shot the young guard just above the knee.
He crumpled with a scream.
“Here we go,” Wilma said.
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The Return of the Infamous Wilma & Betty
Next weekend (January 30th) I’ll once again be co-hosting the next installment of “The Cure for the Common Reading” with my good friend Justin Edge. Last time, I posted the opening section of my piece for folks to preview and everyone seemed to enjoy that. So here we go again!
This time (in honor of my good friend Bill Shipman) I’ll be offering up another installment of the infamous “Further Adventures of Wilma & Betty” series. This time the girls are armed and, therefore, even more dangerous than usual!
But you gotta come out to Jengo’s (814 Princess Street) at 7:00 on Saturday to find out how the girls got to this point and, more importantly, what happens next! 
The Further Adventures of Wilma & Betty:
Episode X: How It Does or Does Not End
It was 4:59 on a Friday afternoon and outside the 1st National Bank of Bedrock the sky was gray. A steady, dreary rain was falling. The two women just did make it through the front door of the bank as the clock struck 5 pm. The security guard pulled the door shut behind them and closed the lock home.
He was a young, broad-shouldered boy. Reminiscent of a young Dennis Quaidstone.
To be sure, he was a handsome boy. A handsome boy that might some day ripen into a handsome man—if his life was long enough and hard enough and he made just enough bad decisions.
“You ladies got lucky,” the young guard said, smiling a perfect smile.
Betty grinned, looking both guilty and disingenuous.
Wilma sighed. “Yes,” she said. “We did get lucky.” She smiled her apology. “I wish I could say the same for you.”
Then she pulled out her pistol and shot the young guard just above the knee.
He crumpled with a scream.
“Here we go,” Wilma said.
_______________
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See you Saturday!
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