Modern Geek: ‘Memba This?!
Modern Geek Chronicles:
Great Moments in Geek
“You can’t move forward if you’re busy looking back.”
…Shenanigans!. A brilliant geek somewhere invented rear-view sunglasses to conquer that exact problem! So for today’s edition of Modern Geek, I’m taking some time to look back and remember some of the moments of geek that get me all misty-eyed.
So c’mon, Captain Walker! Let’s say bye-d’bye to all the high scrapers and v-v-v-ideo machines, and let’s travel back in time…Modern Geek style!
‘Memba this?!
The Birth of Geek
There they were: just four pre-homo sapien dudes hanging out on the plains, having a few drink, fighting over a few females—you know, a typical non-geek Saturday night. So the partying goes on late and everybody crashes in a shaggy, nondescript lump upon the horizon. The next day, while everyone’s still hung over, one dude goes wondering off and finds himself a monolith. “What the hell?” the dude thinks, scratching his balls. “I guess I’ll punch it,” his non-geek logic continues.
But the monolith is Geek, raw and pure. The monolith awakens the seed of Geek within the monkey dude. “Hey,” monkey dude thinks, the small vestiges of Geek synapses sparking to life inside that hairy skull of his, “Maybe I won’t punch it. Maybe I’ll just touch it…maybe study it a little bit.”
And thus, Geek was born.
‘Memba this?!
The Birth of the Computer Geek’s Anthem
Rocky Balboa had those trumpets of his.
Shakespeare had “Hey Nonny Nonny!”
Even the Mesopotamians had “Eye of the Tiger.” (Yeah…I said it!)
And in the early nineties Weird Al gave we geeks the anthem we always wanted and never knew we needed. In spite of being an AMD fan, I’m still “All About the Pentiums!”
‘Memba this?!
Robots Win: Deep Blue puts the smackdown on Kasperov.
Humanity ended at a chess table. When our robot overlords take control, this moment will be remembered as humanity’s “Waterloo,” humanity’s “Reach,” humanity’s “Donkey Kong Kill Screen.” The last glimmer of light as the sun set on an entire species’ era of dominance. I imagine they’ll erect little digital museums to the moment. Small packets of data that they’ll access in the nanoseconds between formulating the number of specimens needed for the humans at the zoo to maintain a healthy population. I imagine our robot overlords will take great pleasure in staring into Kasperov’s anguish-filled face as he realized that he was, ultimately, the final punctuation upon the last page of humanity’s story.
All hail, Skynet!
‘Memba this?!
The Birth of Math:
Stone + Stone = Stones
Stones + Animal = Dinner
Dinner + Stones = Mate
Throw an abacus into that mix and you’ve got the most beautiful thing humanity has every created: math. Yeah, it can be difficult at times. Sometimes math mocks you. Sometimes math pulls your pants down in front of all the girls or blows your skirt up over your head in front of all the boys, but math may well be the square root of all Geek. Yeah…that sounds about right.
‘Memba this?!
The birth of “Memba this?!”
(Nothing like ending on a recursion joke ending!)
-Jason Mott
End Transmission.
More Modern Geek:
A Modern Geek Book Review
Raid 0 Turns Me On
Geek Love
Geek Defense
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