Heatsinks & Love: Seeking “Big”
Modern Geek Chronicles:
A Geek Seeking “Big”
The ladies have known it for years: bigger is better. We like to try and pretend that it’s not true, even as we sit groggily on the couch at 3 a.m., watch those Enzyte commercials and wonder…look down at our lap…then wonder again.
(Yeah, go ahead, pretend it’s just me.)
But the simple truth is that, in a great many times in life, you want bigger. We geeks are no exception. We want “Big.” Big computers. Big hard drives. Big keyboards. Big games. Big mathematics. Big atom smashers. Big Geek get togethers.
We love Big.
As geeks, even Modern Geeks, we’re used to watching the jocks chase after Big. Ever since high school it’s been the same thing: they want their big cars, their big TVs, their big egos. They want everything big…except their brains.
But they’re supposed to want Big. We expect it from them. Geeks, usually, could care less about Big. We prefer efficiency. How else did the microprocessor come to pass? Yes, the direction of processors could have chased Big. In fact, in terms of processor history, there was in fact a period when geeks did chase Big. But something about it went against efficiency, and going against efficiency goes against Geek.
So why do I want a bigger heatsink? Probably for the same reason I watch those Enzyte commercials in the wee hours of the night, for the same reason ladies talk about when guys aren’t around: because, sometimes, bigger just plain ol’ feels good.
Take my stock heatsink for example. It came with new my processor. I’m sure it’s very adequate. Otherwise why else would the manufacturer have sent it, right? It’s got a little 80mm fan that blows softly and silently, gently moving air around with a perfect power/weight efficiency ratio.
It’s everything I need. But it’s so damned boring. Plus: “Crom laughs at your stock heatsink!”
I want Big. I want flashy. I want a heatsink that comes with its own heatsink. I want a heatsink that comes with a leafblower. I want a heatsink so big it sticks out the far side of my computer like the monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey.
I want Big.
And before all of you begin to psychoanalyze me with certain theories of a certain type of overcompensation let me say this: I’m perfectly average. (Yep. I said it.)
My lust for Big—and, perhaps, your own lust for Big—isn’t about overcompensating, it’s about feeling that I’ve got the most of a thing. It’s a primitive mindset, something we Geeks should have evolved past long, long ago, but we haven’t.
From the time we’re children we get angry when the kid next to us has “more.” If their slice of cake is bigger, we cry. Or, better yet, we shave off a piece to make ours equal…or bigger. If you don’t believe me, tell me you’ve never stolen crayons from the kid next to you because—even though your math wasn’t very strong yet—you knew they had “more.” Their pile was bigger. And you wanted Big.
So what’s it all mean?
As I write this I keep waiting for the epiphany. I keep saying that “Now that I have diagnosed my unconscious and deep-seated lust for Big, I’ll overcome it.” But that’s bullshit. I still want Big. The heatsink I bought is still smaller than the one my buddy bought for his rig. It’s not much smaller, but it’s smaller…and that nags me just a little.
But maybe the fact that I did actually purchase the “less Big” heatsink, even though I had every chance to buy the one my buddy bought, is a step forward. Maybe not a step forward for Geek, but perhaps a step forward for this geek. Maybe for the next computer build I’ll be content with simply getting the heatsink that’s only as large as it needs to be. Maybe I’ll even dare to go with the stock heatsink. (I doubt it, but it’s possible.)
Or maybe, just maybe, this will go beyond heatsinks. Maybe this acceptance of “all the Big I need” will help me in my dating life. After all, isn’t “serial monogamy” just the perpetual search for “Bigger”–that indefinable something that we swear in always over the next horizon, just over the next set of thighs, just inside the next pair of eyes that smile when they see us. Maybe I’ll realize that there isn’t anything, anyone, “bigger” than the woman in front of me. God knows I’ve dated women who were better than I deserve, women so “Big” only poetry can describe them.
So why weren’t they—as Big as they were, as Big as we were—enough?
Maybe our lust for Big is a bigger problem than we think.
Or maybe it’s just about heatsinks.
Who knows?
End Transmission.
More Modern Geek:
‘Memba This?!
A Modern Geek Book Review
Raid 0 Turns Me On
The Modern Geek’s Manifesto
2 Responses to “Heatsinks & Love: Seeking “Big””
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Just for the record, from the ladies’ point of view, bigger isn’t always better. (Yeah, this time *I* said it). But, truth be told, sometimes it is nice.
As far as heatsinks go, well, I say go for it! I mean, think about NASCAR stock car racing– ain’t nuthin’ stock about those cars anymore. So if you want to turn your computer into a NASCAR, more power to ya.
But I am curious about how loud that giant heatsink will be. You’ll have to keep us posted.
P.S. Maybe everyone deserves as big as they want.